This is me

I’ve been trying to write these words for a long time because it’s quite a sensitive topic to me and I wanted to do my feelings justice without getting too bogged down in the details. Even after I managed to find the words it’s been hard to find the right time to post but I guess now is a good time, as part of #theweeklyhashtagchallenge, as the theme of this week is “This is me” and I guess that’s what this whole post is about.

I’ve spent my whole life trying to lose weight. Sometimes because I’ve actually been overweight and needed to but sometimes not and I think for me, as for a lot of women, being body confident isn’t something that comes naturally.
It seems like part of the tradition for a bride-to-be is automatically to ‘lose weight’. Even for those who have perfectly gorgeous figures. I’m not saying that’s right or wrong, what I’m saying is I don’t want to lose weight before my wedding. *gasp* shock horror!!! & I feel like I should want to (I’m definitely not fat but 6 months post partum is not enough time to be rid of the dreaded mum belly!)

Here are my reasons why I’m accepting who I am and why I don’t want to force myself to lose weight for the wedding:

1. Since Seb and I have been together, and especially since I’ve been pregnant and had Saskia, I’ve been all different shapes and sizes and Seb has loved me for every single one of those. Our wedding day is about the love we have for each other and the strength we give each other. Seb has given me so much strength to accept my past and accept who I am and what better way to thank him than to love myself back.

2. I’m slightly addicted to trying on wedding dresses and had my first fitting only two months after having Saskia. Never once have I put on a dress and thought “man, I look like a pudding.” – if I’d let myself stand in front of a mirror and pick myself to pieces then I’m sure I would but instead I focus on what Seb will see. His beautiful (maybe only in his eyes) bride in a damn expensive, gorgeous dress & I guarantee no one, except maybe my mother, is going to look at me in that dress and think oh dear, she would look better if she lost a few lbs, look at that arm fat (unless I’ve invited some mega bitches to the wedding which I blinking hope I haven’t!!)

3. I’ve spent many a period in my life trying to lose weight for a certain event only to not make it to my goal weight and feel shit the whole evening. I’ve spent many a time in my life losing weight to fit into a certain dress only for it to stay hidden in my wardrobe while I feel like an ugly, fat failure the whole evening. I’ve spent many an evening looking through photos of the night before, crying to myself because I wish I’d just managed to lose that stone I’d been trying to only to look back at the photos a few months later thinking they don’t look half as bad as I remember but I wish I didn’t look so self conscious and unhappy in them. All these scenarios have two things in common – the want to change myself for a certain event and the fact that the whole event I’d been so excited to go to was ruined by my frame of mind. I don’t want my wedding day to end in any tears other than the happy kind.

4. Weddings are stressful, being a mama is stressful, exams are stressful, my life is stressful enough without a diet added to the mix! & I don’t know about you but when I’m stressed I tend to comfort myself with food especially if I’m focussed on it! Which would more than likely end with me gaining weight rather than losing it – I know this from experience. So isn’t it better just to say “hey, this is me and I look fab” (whether I believe it at the time or not) and avoid all the upset and stress that comes hand in hand with trying to lose weight? If I don’t let my weight become a thing in the first place then I can guarantee I’ll be having too much fun on my wedding day to care about the number on the scales!

Happiness is happiness no matter what shape or size you are and I want this day to be about happiness and love and accepting each other for who we are.

This is me and I’m going to love who I am & how I look because this body of mine gave me a gorgeous baby and is loved by those who love me. Who am I to argue with that?

Love, Anna xox

*ps. Please no comments about how I don’t need to lose weight or about my body in general. If you feel the need to make those comments you definitely haven’t got the message of the post so please re-read ^ 😉

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